Sleeping Beauty John Ross and THAT handshake


Hey guys, here is my longest Dallas write-up, thank you for your patience! Episode 8: No Good Deed. Enjoy!
DallasJohnRossMugshotThere are some things I don’t expect to see. Pigs flying, the Twilight films winning an Oscar, I could go on. The latest instalment of Dallas defied all my expectations and John Ross’s too (but more on that later). We picked up from where John Ross was hauled off to the police station in connection with Marta Del Sol’s murder. It’s official – Josh Henderson is veritable eye candy. Even his mean, moody (and positively murderous mug-shot) looked delectable. He knew he was being framed for Marta’s murder and quickly scheduled a meeting with Vacuous Vicente, who rocked up in jail.

I cannot help but find Vicente amusing; he really is the dimmest villain ever and makes Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber look like Einstein. When probed by John Ross about the video that mysteriously vanished from Marta’s room (she loved her videos, didn’t she?), Vicente was goofily evasive. Knowing that the missing video would ultimately exonerate John Ross, the vacuous villain tried to pressurize our reluctant jailbird into delivering the delayed oil. John Ross simply snarled, “It’s kinda tough to do business behind bars.” By stating the obvious (replete with a hint of sarcasm), John Ross knows Vicente is stupid. Vicente knows that he himself is stupid. Vicente knows that John Ross knows he is stupid. Still with me? I look forward to Vicente’s scenes, because they guarantee a laugh.


Elsewhere, Ann and Rebecca bonded, Sue Ellen was pulling corrupt strings to get John Ross of the murder charge, Elena continued to look befuddled and pretty whilst running aimlessly from A to B, and Christopher got a visit from an interested investor. Having turned down an Exxon rep, Christopher was confident that his alternative energy system was the next best thing since the Samsung Galaxy S3. I think the rep (Paul Jacobs) was interested in more than just Christopher’s technology as he sighed and said with a lingering glance towards our handsome hero, “I’ll be calling again.” (Piece of advice for Paul Jacobs – give it up, Christopher is clearly hung up on Elena and no amount of sighing is going to change that.)

Vicente was getting a lot of airtime much to my delight. Having arranged for John Ross to be attacked in jail, Vicente’s machinations prompted Christopher to do business with him in a bid to free John Ross and avoid drilling on Southfork.

My deepest sympathies for John Ross whilst he was languishing in hospital. Not only was the guy beaten senseless, but he then had to endure people coming in to ogle him whilst he slept. Christopher and JR are just two that we saw, god knows how many others there were (I wouldn’t be surprised if sparkly vampires was added to the list too, who have a weird tendency to watch you sleep). It seems JR isn’t around much, yet his ten second scenes are pure cinema gold. The simple act of discarding a cocktail garnish comes alive in the oh-so-capable hands of JR. Add to that his crazy eyebrows and you have one megalomaniac who is perfectly evil.

Bobby visiting his mother’s was a nice antidote to the violent backdrop of the episode but my favourite bit had to be the exchange between Sue Ellen and Ann. Waiting at Southfork for Ann to arrive, Sue Ellen was seated on the sofa clutching a leaflet. For a split second, I thought she was campaigning and passing out her political agenda; instead, Sue Ellen confided her slippery descent towards the dark side.

It wasn’t long before John Ross was freed and he was back at Southfork. Knowing it was Christopher’s sacrifice that guaranteed his freedom left John Ross gobsmacked. His usual vitriol took a backseat as the two cousins put the past behind them and shook hands. Yes, it was a proper handshake, all eye contact and all. It was weird but great to see, like watching the World Bank President Jim Yong Kim do the Gangnam dance. Now, I have mixed feelings about that handshake. It means that the delicious rivalry will be quelled, right? I like the chemistry that Christopher and John Ross have and although I like them playing nice, I like it even more when they’re ripping into each other. How long the truce lasts for, we shall see. Oh, and we also discovered that Rebecca and her ‘brother’ Two-Expression-Tommy aren’t really related when he lunged to kiss her. Really, Rebecca? You chose to hang out with Tommy of your own free will? I’m sorry, I have little sympathy for her and I can’t wait to see what lies in store as Tommy continues to blackmail his ‘sister’.

Cheeky Awards:

“Doh!” Moment: Vicente to John Ross: “That’s the funny thing about video. It can be edited.”

Most Deluded Yet Hopeful Soul: Christopher: “I’m so tired… I need to be sure there are no more secrets.”

Kickass Line: Bobby to Vicente: “You will NEVER pump a drop of oil on Southfork. And I think it will be in YOUR best interest to get the hell out of my house.”

King Of Exasperation: Bobby. When Christopher asks, “How the hell could JR do this to his own family?” Bobby answers, “How much time have you got?”

Most Elegant Cusser: Sue Ellen. She is sophistication personified as she refers in precise, clipped tones to JR as ‘That son of a bitch”.

Gotcha Punk: Sue Ellen to Varun: “You’ve been writing more prescriptions than Michael Jackson’s doctor. Which is odd, as all your patients are DEAD.”

Man of the Match: Christopher for paying the ultimate sacrifice – doing business with a villain who is truly, scarily stupid.